My Inner Monologue

The way things work out...

2007-09-11T14:05:00.000-06:00

So...long time no post! Apologies to anyone who still reads this thing...
I just wanted to discuss the way things work out. The "Big Picture" if you will. I was all disappointed about not getting to go to Birmingham. In hindsight, as much as i will still wonder what could have been, i'm VERY excited about what's going on now, and the way God's guiding things!
You see, to pay for Birmingham, i got a job as an Undergraduate Nurse. I could've coasted along, working as a Unit Clerk for the summer. But i needed bigger money, so i went for the big scary Undergrad job. And i've gotten so much more confident in my nursing skills! I know that i can handle scary situations, i can handle large patient loads, i can handle long hours and skipping breaks. I can handle full-time Nursing! WOOO!

Unless you're a nurse or nursing student, you have no idea how daunting the profession can be to an undergrad. But now i'm not as afraid to tack those RN letters to my name.

Also, i have the money to finish school, and to travel! I'm going to the Philippines next year! (Hopefully accompanied by a good friend...)

I'm also moving out next year! Without my undergrad job, i wouldn't have the financial resources to do that either! It all would've gone to Birmingham!

So i'm truly thankful for the way God continues to guide my life. And thankful for the people in it! There are many reasons for me to be happy here in Calgary :)

Birmingham is a no go...

2007-06-19T12:16:00.000-06:00

Hey All...
I guess i now assume when the Facebook world knows, everyone knows ;)
But i'm not going to Birmingham Children's Hospital for clinical in England next year. Too many students over there, not enough instructors. Haha, funny, that's a problem the U of C has too. But its a major disappointment. I've been working towards this and obsessing about it for 6 MONTHS, and now it's just not happening! So i'm doing clinical here, and i won't know where until this fall. ICU and Pediatrics are my top choices...and the top choices of a large number of my classmates. I've realized this week, whatever happens, it'll still be in God's hands, just like EVERY clinical placement i've had, every job, every experience!
But i've started my new job on the Neuro unit...lots of fun so far! I was actually BORED last night, it was a rare slow evening. But tonite could be a whole different ball game!

an update

2007-04-29T16:43:00.000-06:00

I love summer. It's not quite summer yet in Calgary, but i finished my LAST EXAM nearly a week ago, and i am so happy to be done! Both exams went reasonably well, and i'm enjoying not having a 1000 things on my plate. After my last exam, i napped, then reunited with a long lost friend and my boyfriend for the first stress-free dinner and movie that i've enjoyed in a long time! The next day we went rock climbing together, and we even allowed my little bro to tag along. After some blessed Peters to cool our sore hands, we went back to my place so i could freshen up, then to Devin's to watch House and LOST. Another amazing night! Wednesday was another awesome day with my good long-lost friend, he made me butter chicken from scratch! THEN, Thursday was my first buddy shift at my new job. I'm now an Undergraduate Nursing Employee, which means i'm basically a nurse, i have my own patients, and i'm responsible for their medications, vital signs, assessments, hygiene, tests, bloodwork, procedures, and any other concerns with them. It was fun, we didn't do too much, i mostly just became acclimatized to my new unit and the new expectations of me! (It's nice to work somewhere and not be expected to answer the phone every time it rings.) I'm working 12 hour shifts running off my feet, so it's different from sitting behind a desk. For my first shift, i pretty much just shadowed my nurse. It was a tiring day, but i was still fit for poker at Devin's that night! This same long lost friend of mine allowed me to practice IV starts on him! I've been threatening to do this since the very first day of nursing, so it was a real milestone for our friendship! (i'm proud to say i got it on my first try, but my technique still needs some work. Shandell will let me be her next victim :D) The NEXT day was extremely different...the nurse i was shadowing was very used to having students, and she's an amazing teacher! She let me do ALOT; it was a busy day, so i basically took on anything she asked me to. I ran off my feet, multitasking to the ^ 10! I got to see a cerebral angiogram, i got to start two IVs, hang IV meds, give narcotics and insulin,did a discharge and received an admission on IVIG... i did more in one day than i usually see in a semester! Now, you know what the funny thing is? I felt like i could handle it! I didn't feel overwhelmed, i was just busy and running everywhere, but i enjoyed every minute of it! But i handled it! This was affirmed by my nurse, who said i did awesome! She said towards the end of it that she wasn't sure if she was overloading me or not, cuz it was a really busy day, but she saw that i was doing alright, and i just went to it! I think my time in ICU has really inspired me. I see all these amazing nurses handling so much and keeping everything in order, and i just think to myself "they can handle that, i can handle this!" It looks as though i've made a positive first impression, though i can admit, i was nearly comatose after the second 12 hour shift. but Devin sweetly picked me up from both shifts and listened to my very animated reinactments and stories, and let me snooze as he played video games.

In short, life is good, but i'm gearing up for an intense summer. But i'm thinking this is gonna be one of the best summers ever!

Something New...x 2!

2007-03-22T21:12:00.000-06:00

So...i got a job! That was probably the best interview of my life, i had plenty of examples from the OR and the ICU...
"Describe a stressful situation and how you dealt with it" -

"Well, a surgeon called as they were doing CPR on a patient en route to the OR and needed a room AT THAT MOMENT... there were no rooms, nurses, or anesthetists at that moment. that was stressful. I handled it."

ok next question...

"Are you a good multi-tasker?"

"In the ICU, i've been seen with a phone pressed to each ear, talking into the intercom, listening to my charge nurse, telling patients' families where to go, paging for x-rays, entering orders... in short, yes, i can multi-task."

The interview went on like that. we talked about the shortage, education, people we'd both worked with, pediatrics, England, ICU, the OR... then he gave me a tour of the units, and offered me a job at the end!
He said: "if you can handle over a year in the ICU and the OR, i have no concerns about you working here!"

So i have a new job on Unit 111 of FMC. I'll be an Undergraduate Nursing Employee, which means i'm like an RN with less experience and half the pay... The unit is primarily Neuro, so i'll be dealing with lots of brains and spines and stuff. Should be AWESOME!

Yes...the other new item... let's just say i never envisioned "Kiss Me i'm Irish" to be the greatest pick-up line ever! No, i didn't drunkenly pick up anyone at the pub. But on St. Patrick's day, Devin and i started dating. He won me over with a bottle of Bailey's with Caramel! Just kidding. He won me over by being sweet and showing that he cares and laughing with me and calming me down when i start to rage about community nursing (a common occurrence...) He has faith that i'll make it to Birmingham, and he laughs whenever i see a child, because it's so clear how much i want to do pediatrics. He respects me, respects my faith, and understands what's important to me, like friends, faith, family, and nursing!

I know we might seem like an odd couple, but we're happy and having fun, so it's all good!

1 month and 21 days...still no word from Birmingham.

On Pressing On.

2007-03-20T19:31:00.000-06:00

A busy awesome weekend between two busy weeks... couldn't have asked for anything better. Ryan was back in town, so we got to go for drinks with Cyler and Shandell, and it was such a treat to have some of my favorite people in the same room. That and i had a really SUCKY day in community nursing, and life got so much better after i left that room. I had breakfast with Ryan on Friday morning, then we went to see the blood-bath - CGI ab fest - escapist movie 300...that's some good cinema! Then i hung out with Shandell for the evening, watching Armageddon and doing terrible Steven Tyler impressions. The next morning was breakfast with Barbara, and shopping at the mall on St. Patrick's day, a quick 8-hour ICU shift until 10pm, then i dropped in on many friends that i haven't seen in a long time at Talia's birthday party. I won a game of pool against Lincoln by default, (he scratched on the 8-ball), caught up with Matt and Jason, and generally enjoyed good company for a little while before catching a few z's to be fresh for a 7am OR shift. Sunday night i enjoyed sushi with Ryan and his family, and got him safely to the airport for a return to Vancouver.

MONDAY was a rollercoaster. Slept in due to a powerout, caught a ride, got a devastating grade on my midterm (unjustly in my opinion), then got a job interview for Unit 111 five minutes later! Went drinking to commiserate with the nurses, then went back to work. As you can tell, life is still incredibly busy, but i did avoid homework all weekend, much as i'm paying for it now. Life is a bit of a gong show, but that's how it goes.

3 weeks till semester is over.

Still no word from Birmingham.

Insanity laughs, under pressure we're cracking

2007-03-08T22:38:00.000-07:00

Sorry, just a line from the song that best represents the past 3 weeks..."Under Pressure" - by Queen and David Bowie. Friends, its been insane. I worked every day of reading week, some 12 hour shifts, then i jumped into the WORST two weeks of school i have ever experienced! Its been a blur of Literature Reviews, Clinical Reflections, Midterms, Speeches, Analysis, Film Critiques, Bioethics essays, job applications, resumes, cover letters, applicatiosn for funding for Birmingham, calls from scheduling pleading me to pick up more shifts, or double booking me for the shifts i do agree for...AAAUUGHHH!
You know, this is the first semester where i have actually HATED school. like, with a fiery passion. the stupidity, the wordiness, the fact that i work my @$$ off and STILL don't get a good grade!
BUT, i need to take stock of the good things.

the sun WARMED my face the other day! (in case someone outside of Canada is reading this, its been pretty damn cold here lately, so effective sunshine is never taken for granted!)
The new Relient K CD makes me happy, and voices just how frustrated i am, and how much i need to look to God in times of +++ stress.
my application for funding for Birmingham and my application for a summer job both only require the GPAs of my PAST 10 courses! Present failures in progress will not be considered! (yet)
I finally got paid for all those shifts i worked over reading week...hooray!!
i got a good midterm evaluation for community nursing, because of my focus on "spirituality - the forgotten determinate of health"
the cheesecake cafe makes HELLA AWESOME eggs benedict! it's even better when indulged upon with good friends.
[Scrubs] is still my refuge, and helps me relax from the day.

Through the past few weeks, i've found that the more foul of mood you're in, the more you're delighted by the little positive things.

But nevertheless...wake me up when semester ends.

Going to Birmingham!!

2007-02-14T19:03:00.000-07:00

This is Birmingham's Children's Hospital!

IT'S TRUE! Well, 95% True. I've been accepted to go to Birmingham by the U of C side of things, now i just need to be accepted by the Birmingham side of things. They've taken students for the past several years, so it shouldn't be an issue. I just wish the good blokes in Birmingham would realized how much i need confirmation that i am in fact going in 11 months! I'll leave January, 2008, and i need to be back in Calgary to graduate in April. I need to spend a minimum of 8 weeks full time at the Hospital.
It's a HUGE opportunity, one that i'm completely surprized by! My mom is excited, but Dad is a little choked. Daddy's little girl and all that. But England is better than Africa...for now. Birmingham's Children's hospital, here i come!
Here's the catch: I need to pay for the plane fare, room and board, AND the course itself, which is about a grand. And tuition next year. And the damn hospital cancelled 4 of my shifts...i was supposed to work 7 in a row! I needed that!
What i actually need more than that is to TRUST that the money will come in. TRUST that the scholarships i apply for will come in. TRUST that i'm going to get a job this summer as an undergraduate nurse, and that i'll get full time hours for 3 months (good thing there's a nursing shortage!) I need to Trust God in all of this.
It's 11 months away...what do i need from you? I'd love comments on the following two things:
1) Creative Fundraising techniques - Barbara's winning so far, with her idea that i put up a tip jar at my desk in ICU
2) Things to see / Places to go in Europe

See, i'm going to travel while im there. I want to go to at least one other country with Barbara, right now it's looking like Spain! $75 Canadian to go from London to Madrid, which is FRICKIN awesome! I also want to go to either Scotland or Ireland, as Dad suggested, to "find my roots". Marisa, Shandell and Shannon, have toyed with the idea of coming out to visit me too. The more the merrier!

Yes. So that's my news. The biggest news i will have this year!

Update from the Nursing World

2007-02-02T15:17:00.000-07:00

Hey All,
So, my name is in the hat for International Nursing. Basically, 60 of us nursing students would love to take our senior practicum next winter abroad. 10 of us will get to go. The options are New Zealand, Australia, Thailand, England, Sweden, Norway, and Qatar. Kenya was supposed to be an option, but due to safety fears, it's no longer open. That would've been option 1 for me, but no dice. As much as i would love to go to New Zealand or Australia, my first choice is England, because their placement is at Birmingham's Children's hospital, and I ultimately want to work with children. My second choice is Toronto's Hospital for Sick Children. Third is anywhere in New Zealand or Australia, on any Medical Unit. I know my chances are extremely slim...but i thought i'd post about it, because i still have hope and it's the one interesting thing that's happened in the past week.

I know i want to travel once i'm a nurse, so i'm all over the first opportunity to do so. Though if this doesn't happen, Barbara and i are FOR SURE going to the Philippines together after we graduate! My dream is to travel with a purpose...i had once thought that would be only a humanitarian purpose, after all, i've spent the past 3 years learning how to be a nurse, i want to roll up my sleeves and get to work! And yet, the same speaker as "Sunday, Busy Sunday" spoke extensively about travel for the purpose of education...travelling and visiting the places key in the history of Christianity. i would love to travel through Isreal and Greece and Rome. Another point: in 1900, 10% of the Christians in the world lived outside the Western World. Today, 10% of the world's Christians live IN the Western World...The world has literally been turned upsidedown. What is going on with the rest of the Church? THAT'S what i'd also like to see.

A few friends like to tease me, that i'll be living at home forever, and that you'll always be able to reach me by calling my home phone number. I picture this house being home base for my travels, and my answering machine will sound like "Hey guys, i'm in Nairobi, Kenya, fighting a malaria pandemic and setting up a treatment center for AIDS victims, but you can leave me a message, and i'll catch up with you when i get home in 7 months!" {PS, please visit my family, they likely miss seeing you around, and Skuzzie will need to be bothered}

Note: the preceeding hopes and dreams are subject to change if a boy should enter the scene.

Note to above specified boy: get ready to travel!

Thrilling Insanity

2007-01-28T00:58:00.000-07:00

Well that was fun.
Yesterday i got called at 9pm to work from 1-11pm in ICU. I knew they were getting a new computer system installed (SCM, affectionately aka as SCUM), so i went in and did my best to help them prepare. We ended up having a pretty good night. I went back in today for a Noon-Midnight shift, when various programs would go down and new ones would be activated. The orders for the 3 inch-thick charts for each ICU patient needed to be re-entered in the new system, which took 6 doctors and 6 Nurses 3.5 hours to complete. Paper was everywhere, lab results and diagnostic imaging requisitions were flying everywhere, there were probably 60 people running around the rather small ICU... keep in mind that we're also trying to transfer patients out and receive more critically ill patients. The adrenaline kept me rushing until around 10pm tonite, and without a little Timmy Ho's i wouldn't have made it. I felt like a hero, because i'm good at computers and could troubleshoot most of our issues with a little playing with the new programs. It's nice, we're going from a DOT MATRIX to a Windows based program...hallelujah!

So i'm driving home, rather exhausted and gloomy over the fact that i might need to go back in tomorrow, and stressing about how behind i am in school already (i know, three weeks in). I'm driving east down John Laurie, and i'm sitting first at the red light, waiting to cross Sarcee. There's very few other cars on the road, but there's this old, white, obnoxiously loud quasi-beater of a pick-up truck beside me, revving their engine, stoked to go as SOON as the light turns green. You must understand, i'm sitting in my dad's Grand Am GT. The light goes green. I accelerate. [I don't normally race like this, i'm not an exceptionally gutsy driver, but i was listening to "Dondet (For the River People) by Ari, and the mood just hit me right].
I totally beat them off the light, and the rest of the way to Hawkwood, the lights are flashing yellow. The white pick-up tries valiantly to catch me, and i need to slow slightly for a car. As they come up beside me, I peek, slightly anxious, bracing myself for a glare or a jeer or some obnoxious hand gesture.

Instead, a guy in his mid 20's is leaning out the passenger window with the biggest...

most genuine,

smile on his face, flashing me a thumbs up. He's just grinning a mile wide, and waving, until he needed to go back in so the truck could turn. For some reason, this smile just transposed itself right onto me, and the whole incident just made me smile right up to this moment. And now i'm going to bed, my outlook on the week uplifted by a high-speed grin.

Sunday, Busy Sunday.

2007-01-22T21:36:00.000-07:00

We had a really good speaker on Sunday. I wish i had been able to stay and chat with him, but i had to work at noon, and Church ended @ 1145. Case in point.
The speaker even touched on this subject, about keeping the Sabbath holy. He came from an h-core Presbyterian Methodist upbringing, where they didn't do ANYTHING on Sundays. His mom wouldn't peel potatoes. He could've fired a cannon down Main Street and not hit anyone. It sometimes became a little legalistic, with rules like "You can float, but not swim, you can snooze, but no sleeping..." things like that. It's pretty clear that we as a society have gone in the polar opposite direction.

Check out this article: http://www.canada.com/calgaryherald/news/story.html?id=97e94314-789b-4f7e-b503-ff7db421894d&k=0

Albertans are clearly hard workers, and of course i'm not knocking hard workers! But at what cost? A Sunday on Crowchild Trail is scarecly different from any other day. There are fewer things you can't do on Sundays that could get done some other time during the week. For me as a student, Sundays are one of the few opportunities for me to work, and i've agreed to work alot over the past year. I used to prioritize Sundays, i remember working at the theater, saying i couldn't open on Sundays when everyone else could. My Church is held in this same theater, so i hope it spoke to some of them that that was how seriously i take my faith. But this year, you've probably heard me complaining "oh, i didn't get a weekend this week"... THIS ISN'T HEALTHY! Nor should it be a source of pride for me.

This phrase hit me so deeply: When was the last time you allowed enough silence to hear your own heart beat? I am SO guilty of this! First thing when i wake up: music. I use the SLEEP button to ensure that i need not go without music during my conciousness. (though i discovered that if i listen to music while i sleep, i dream VERY strange music videos for them...) You know when you're in a large group, and a question is asked? or even a small group? The average length of silence a person can stand is 8 seconds. In nursing, we were taught to grit through the silence, and the importance of listening was impressed upon us. (The Therapeutic Use of Silence Lecture). I always thought i was a good listener, but 8 seconds?! That's way too awkward! That's another flaw we have in Western Christianity...we're uncomfortable with silence, both from God and with others. We'd rather research the solution and have it schematically diagrammed for us... better yet, put the solution in a flow chart! A tree diagram! Let's map out our paradigm!

I wonder what a vow of silence would be like. Could i "not speak" for an entire day? that would probably be unsafe in nursing. Could i go a day without music? Did you know that if you sit, crosslegged, on the floor, with your back straight and your shoulders relaxed, the force of your heart beating against your left ventricle is strong enough to rock your body forward? Try it!

See, this is why prayer is so important...it's not just about your alone time with God, though that's the main motivation...it's alone time with yourself too. Or your silence time. The time to just breathe deep and let the tension flow out of you. That's a reason i like yoga, though skill wise, i wish the whole class were spent resting on the floor. You know we're a busy society when you need to PAY to relax. And this subsequently mean that the poor cannot afford to relax.

In conclusion, it's about more than creating rules for the Sabbath and adhering to them strictly ... go past that and see the purpose; the Sabbath as a true day of rest. Fellowship with others. Time to just take a deep breath, and figure out where you are on your journey. Don't forget to look to the side, to see where your fellow travellers are too! Do me a favor, really go and be alone...sit on your floor, and feel the power of your heart move you. Literally.

[Scrubs] + Hayley

2007-01-17T20:13:00.000-07:00

This isn't new news. Everyone knows i love Scrubs. I possibly border on obsession with the show. Sometimes i wish i were a part of it (see above picture!) I liked it when it first came out, but admittedly didn't follow it until Jarid downloaded Seasons 1-5 on his laptop. We watched Scrubs together every given opportunity for months! I ended up buying Seasons 1-4, and you can typically find a Scrubs DVD in at least one of the players in our house. I watched Scrubs with Sharon, Melissa and Trevor for probably 4 of the precious 24 hours I spent with them in Edmonton. Scrubs made an appearance at my Christmas party this year. Jarid and i still keep in touch by sending eachother "Scrubs trivia" we thought up, ie: "What is the name of Turk and Carla's family doctor, the one makes all of his patients take off their pants, even for ear infections". I can make Scrubs references in almost any context. Dani and Dianna have now hilariously adopted the action "tap that". Me and Shandell spent an evening watching season 4 and drooling over the Colin Farrell guest appearance.

Scrubs is also my refuge. After a hard day at clinical or when something's bothering me, i turn to just a few episodes, for comic relief. My whole family loves the show, and we each got "[Scrubs] scrubs" for Christmas, ordered from the NBC online store. I've made my own [Scrubs] CD's, which prompted the re-glorification of the song "A little Respect" by Erasure. Colin Hay holds a place near my heart for "Waiting for my Real Life to begin" and "Overkill". I also know all the words to "Under Pressure" by Queen and David Bowie. And my little brother and i have learned "Don't Stop Believing" by Journey on the piano. And i nearly had a Triple A when [Scrubs] was used in a nursing class last semester.

I love this show. Cyler once said that whenever i talk about work, he imagines me in an episode of Scrubs. I know you could write it off as an unrealistic, romanticized portrayal of life in a hospital with poor CPR technique, but i don't care. Scrubs makes up for the overdose of realism i get in the ICU and the lack of romance in the OR. Sometimes at the end of a particularly exhausting day, i need to be reminded:

"I can't do this all on my own; i'm no Superman!"

Hayley the Healing Idealist and the Law of Easy Rescue

2007-01-10T23:12:00.000-07:00

Wow…best title ever eh? I’ve been inspired by my new classes. In community nursing, we all had to take a personality test. I’m a healing idealist; to which Andrea responded “uh…yeah…tell me something I don’t know.”

Here’s a taste of what this test “revealed about me”

“Idealist types search for their unique identity, hunger for deep and meaningful relationships, wish for a little romance each day, trust their intuitive feelings implicitly, aspire for profundity.”

Regarding the Healer aspect:
“Healers present a seemingly tranquil, and noticiably pleasant face to the world, and they care deeply, passionately-about a few special persons or a favorite cause, and their fervent aim is to bring peace and integrity to their loved ones and the world.”

Oh, and they also feel passionately about ethics, which is good, because I’m in a bioethics course this semester, and I’m loving it! Today we learned about The Law of Easy Rescue. Here is how it works:

IF:
Person A is in need (need) and
if Person B is nearby (Propinquity) and
if Person B can help Person A (Capacity) and
if Person B doesn’t help A, no one else will (Last Resort) and
if Person A is capable of consenting (Consent) and
if the condition is easy, and helping Person A does not endanger Person B…

Then Person B has a duty to help Person A.

You follow?

Allow me to illustrate more colorfully. I drive up to visit Andrea in Saskatoon tomorrow. As I drive along, I find Andrea shivering in a snowbank wearing nothing but a onesie set of pajamas covered in penguins.

Andrea (Person A, haha), is in need, it is currently -40 and no one else is around. [Need]. I am Person B, and I am close by [Propinquity].I am driving my dad’s toasty warm Grand Am GT, and I can help Andrea by taking her into my car [Capacity]. No one else is around, they’re all inside drinking, so if I don’t help her, no one will [Last Resort]. Andrea is still capable of consenting: “I likes a warm car!”. Opening my car to Andrea does not endanger me, therefore, it is my duty to help Andrea!

Now, most would say “of course you should help Andrea!!”. And don’t worry, I wouldn’t stop and process each of these steps this logically. This is just a framework, a foundation that some dude came up with. But I learned a really cool word: Supererogatory.

Supererogatory means that if an act goes above and beyond what we could ask for, the act is not a duty or an obligation, and it is admirable. Personally, I feel like what Christ did on the Cross was Supererogatory. Let’s go through it, person A being us, Person B being Jesus (I hope this doesn’t mean I’m putting him second).

Person A (us) was in need [very much!]
Jesus is nearby (well, everywhere…though He did have to come down to us)
Jesus can help. (yes, though by incredible self-sacrifice)
If Jesus doesn’t help, no one will (by being perfect, He’s pretty much exclusively qualified)
We are capable of consenting (though only while we’re on earth.)
Easy condition: NO. Jesus was mortally endangered to help us out. He died for us.

His death on the Cross for us was not a duty. He did it for Love. That’s not a factor in this equation. We were not an Easy Rescue.

BEST BIRTHDAY EVER!!

2007-01-09T15:44:00.000-07:00

Indeed, i had a very good birthay!
It started the night before, when i watched Charlotte's Web with Melissa, Shandell, Trevor and Cyler. GREAT MOVIE! Loved it, though got really nostalgic about the old one that me and Melissa watched annually on my beta machine. Then we went back to my house and had a GREAT time playing Scattegories and X-treme Connect 4! Shandell and i were laughing so hard by the end of it, but i had to shoo everyone away so i could get some sleep. I went to bed grinning, it was the best start to a birthday i've ever had!

I had to work 7am-3pm on my birthday, but everyone there treated me like gold, and made me feel really special. An anaesthetist bought me coffee, and a friend bought me breakfast. Then i zipped home and chatted with Jarid, way off in New Zealand! Then Shandell picked me up and we headed for Moose McGuire's! People gathered, and the games begun! The Flames put on a good show, and the WON 4-2 against Dallas without my beloved Iginla! But by the third period, i would've been happy no matter the outcome...allow me to explain why:
There were about 12 girls at my party, and we were seated nicely close to the bar. The bartender was VERY cute, so the girls thought they would talk to him about what drinks i should have! Here's how my night played out...

7:15 - Root Beer Paralyzer
7:45 - Strawberry Margarita
8:00 - Shot: Cowboy cock-sucker
8:05 - Birthday Shot: Muff Dive drizzled with grenadine
8:10 - Liquid Cocaine shot
8:15 - Rockstar shot (see the theme? Marisa got me "sex, drugs, and rock and roll!")
8:30 - Tequila with Shandell and Sharon
9:00 - Porn star shot from Jo
9:15 - (?) something and jagermiester shot
9:30 - (?) something and Rye shot
10:00 - Drop shot from ***Sharon***
CLEARLY a good night...my liver decided to be Irish that night, instead of Filipino, to which i am still grateful! I remember everything from the evening, and though i was VERY giddy and happy, i didn't make a fool of myself, and i managed to impress our waitress. TONS of fun, thank you to everyone who bought me drinks, and thanks to the Bartender for being very nice to me! I'm glad i was a source of fun and entertainment for all!

Shandell got me home safely, though we did a bit of streetracing with Sharon on our way home...and we watched Nacho Libre and Cabin Fever before a cozy sleepover in my basement. What a fantastic Birthday!

Now school and the New Year's Resolutions must begin!

Holiday fun

2007-01-05T16:45:00.000-07:00

I'm nearing the end of a much needed break. ICU has only called me 4 times since Christmas, so most of my time has been devoted to hanging out with friends. I hung out with Ryan and took Andrea out for Sushi, and bowled with Marisa, Stacey, Andrea and Steve (i rock at 10-pin). Marisa took me to a Hitmen game, with awesome seats to witness a kind of brutal game which we lost. Whatever. I watched Anne of Green Gables and ate Tuna melts with Melissa. I went out for dessert with Barbara, where we had banana nutella crepes!! *so good!* and we hung out with Jason! I played Killer Bunnies with Trevor and Melissa, and Donkey Kong with Shandell. I went to dinner and a movie with Cyler, and tried some of his parents' blueberry tequila (best souvenier EVER!) I chatted with Jarid from the future, because he called from 2007 when i t was still 2006 here. OH, and had a killer hot tub party with Shandell, Sharon and Melissa. Seriously, i love the holidays, and hanging out with all these awesome people.

Hey, i turn 20 tomorrow. My last few hours with the -teen suffix. Unless i say "twenteen" and Shandell commented. Maybe i'll feel more mature...maybe now that i'm a "twenty-something", i'll stop missing the community i had in high school. I have amazing friendships, and we're less afraid of talking about the deep issues without a lesson plan. It's like how i felt in Converge...just a little too young to be taken seriously...still living with my parents, without a car or a laptop (though the latter is probably changing soon!) Yet i am taken seriously at work, and with my friends. I hope this new year means a new start for my Church...we really need new life breathed into us, and we need a leader, as much as we've tried so hard to run the show as a group. It's hard.

Hey, Andrea and i came up with a new term... Piddle Time. Allow me to elaborate:
Piddle time is the time between things like school and careers. It's when you're working outside of your career or calling to sustain yourself or to save up for future endeavors. Piddle time is almost always essential, either financially or emotionally, like when you just need time to figure out what you're doing, what your goals are. The way we thought of Piddle time was that it had to be more than, say, 4 months. I say this, because i have never had Piddle Time. I graduated from high school and went straight into nursing. I had the prospect of Piddle time, because i didn't get my acceptance letter until August 1st, and i started in September. After 1st year, i went camping over the weekend, went to clinical, than started a job @ the Foothills until my vacation to New York. Andrea and Ryan say that vacations are not Piddle time. So i came home, started working in the OR that week, started 2nd year nursing 2 weeks later, and worked and went to school simultaneously. After 2nd year, i took a spring course, went to California for a week, then started a 2nd job in the ICU. I've continued working 2 jobs for the past semester, and so far it's working out very well, because of the grace of both units and their understanding of my academic needs. I work more during holidays because that's when everyone else takes off. But i've never had any Piddle Time! I didn't travel like Shandell, Melissa, Ryan or Andrea, i'm saving that for later. Jarid's Piddling right now. Marisa and i determined that often, guys need more Piddle time than girls. There are times when a year off sounds appealing. I could make enough as a unit clerk. But i was chatting with an ICU doc a few days ago, and he asked me about my job...i said this is my part-time job to pay for nursing school. he said "ahhh, i understand now. I've noticed you're different than other unit clerks, you have a certain *gleam* in your eye. You care about what's going on in the unit, and you're eager to learn. That's very admirable of you."

That made my week. I have a gleam guys!! Not just a stunned, overwhelmed aura, a gleam!! haha!

One day i WILL have Piddle time! Probably in the form of maternity leave, 10 years from now. does that count guys? I'll probably have to take more than 4 months off, if hyperemisis gravidarum is hereditary. (Morning Sickness 24/7). Shandell will have to come give me IV fluids. It pays to have awesome friends.

Christmas party '06!

2006-12-24T19:42:00.000-07:00

Hey all!
So my Christmas party was last night, and loads of fun! Mum outdid herself, and made an amazing meal for everyone! I did my best to assist, but i mostly cleaned and set-up. Ryan, Dani Hampton, Andrea and Stacey all came early to help prepare, and pretty soon it was time to eat! Well, the food was all laid out, and everyone was salivating and wanted to eat, but my designated grace-sayer was delayed! So Shandell blessed the food and we dug in! I loved it because we just all crammed around my giant dining room table, around 11 of us! Most people actually came a little later, and we kept mum's awesome food warm in chafing dishes. We tried to watch the Flames game, but grew discouraged at San Jose's ability to trounce us. We tried playing Cranium, but it was soon abandoned in favor of socialization, which is really what the priority is of the party. I ran around like crazy, passing out presents and refilling drinks and melting chocolate for the gloriousness that was the chocolate fountain!! Bernard Calebeaut chocolate melts wonderfully! I never get to talk to as many people as i'd like to, and i'm thankful for those friends of mine who can entertain themselves and others.

All in all, a great party! Special thanks to Shandell, Sharon, Barbara and Ryan for sticking around after to help clean up (though i think this was motivated by the vast amounts of melting chocolate) and thanks to Stacey for helping me get ready before the party! Pictures will come later!

Dani and Carmen

2006-12-17T16:32:00.000-07:00

Received some rough news this week. Stuff's happening to someone close to my heart, but far geographically...thus i feel pretty helpless. I'm not dumb enough to broadcast to the world what's going on, but many of you reading this will likely know to what i'm referring.

Oh, here's a nice picture i have from 2 summer's ago. My parents graciously took me and some friends camping in the trailer, then left us there overnight...YUHA!!! It was Dani and Carmen's first time in the Rocky Mountains, and even though it snowed (in May), i'd like to think they had a really good time!

Quasi-disappointing week

2006-12-15T14:02:00.000-07:00

This week has been full of quasi-disappointments. But i define quasi-disappointments as things that happen that may seem disappointing, but that i choose to not let them bring me down in the slightest, because i know the big picture.

Q.D. #1: My Pediatrics exam. I loved pediatrics. I loved every minute in that big, beautiful hospital with my adorable patients and awesome group and terrific instructor! I'm pretty sure i found my calling. My last patient's mother asked me what kind of nurse i want to be, and i told her how i considered ICU and OR and what-have-you. She said "Hayley, you'll be a great nurse no matter where you work. But you need to stay in pediatrics. You fit here. You're so good with kids. Your patients are going to hate you, because you ask them to do things they don't want to do (like get up and move around after surgery to prevent pneumonia and DVT's), but you ask them so nicely, with the best intentions and will possible, that they wouldn't dare dissapoint you." My patients loved me. Their parents love me. it was a self-esteem boosting time, and i can honestly imagine me doing it and loving it.

Anywho, so there's how i felt about pediatrics. The practicum part is double weighted, it's like taking two courses, and it's recently changed to "Pass/Fail" instead of an actual GPA. So i "Passed", and got a really nice and uplifting evaluation from my instructor. The Theory portion is another course, and i LOVED the lectures. i STAYED AWAKE! Since i only had this one exam this semester, i studied EXTRA HARD for it. I knew my stuff. I studied Cystic Fibrosis, Asthma, Seizures, Glumerulonephritis, Acute Renal Failure, Conjestive Heart Failure, SIDS, Epiglottitis, Croup, everything! I was ridiculously confident going into this exam. And it was a terrible exam. the short answer was awful, "List 5 trends in Child Health and the importance of each", very vague and ridiculously specific questions that none of us expected to know. I felt like i had no opportunity to show her how much i knew or how hard i studied...i felt like i had studied for the wrong course! GRRRRR!!

Yet, i'm only quasi-dissapointed. It was one test. I know my stuff. I know where i want to practice. I did great in clinical. I can't wait to go back. What's one test? Who cares? I eeked out with an 80% in the course, but the experience and the knowledge i gained doesn't reflect that.

Q.D.#2: At my work Christmas party, the guy i've been interested in brought his new girlfriend. Yet i didn't have too much hope for it in the first place, and workplace relationships are messy. Again, quasi-dissapointed. And my night ended VERY well, though you'll have to ask me about it...

Q.D. #3: i got my paycheque yesterday... $7.02 ???? i got paid $1.75/hour for 4 hours...that's my shift PREMIUM, not my actual wage!! That won't even pay for parking!! ugh. I hope it's just a glitch, but i need to go fix that. But the bigger picture is, i'm not living on my own, and really, one non-existent paycheque is not going to bankrupt me. I'm thankful for that. Though now you're all getting macaroni collages for Christmas.

Overall, life here in Calgary is looking bright! people are coming home, or coming back to Calgary, and things are gearing up for my Christmas party! Exams are over, work is INCREDIBLY busy, and the health-care system is feeling the crunch. But outside of FMC, life is good!
Time to go brave the malls with Shandell!

Wake me up when Semester Ends

2006-12-07T00:12:00.000-07:00

So i've been getting that vibe again...everyone's just pushing hard until the end of the semester. In the nursing world, this seems to end earlier than the rest of campus...I just have one exam left next monday, then some R&R for a month! Time to practice all that "self-care" we preach about. But as a gesture of empathy for my fellow university toilers, i've chosen to re-release "Wake me up when Semester Ends." Just sing it along in your head, to the Greenday song.

" Childrens have come and passed -
pediatrics was a blast! but
wake me up when semester ends

Tired, I’d come to class,
can’t believe I even passed,
wake me up when semester ends

Pain in my brain again
freezing in our cars,
clenching my jaw again,
the van is stuck in park...
some just see them as pests,
but pediatrics is the best!
wake me up when semester ends

Childrens has come and passed
why can't weekends ever last?
wake me up when semester ends

Turn on call bells again,
making up that nursing plan,
wake me up when semester ends

one exam left to pass,
overall my favorite class! still
wake me up when semester ends
wake me up when semester ends
wake me up when semester ends"

Good luck Everyone!

Whiteout and White Knuckled to Edmonsuck

2006-12-05T20:22:00.000-07:00

So i must say, so far this week has been awesome! Well the magic began on Saturday night, at Cyler's Christmas party! Lots of cool people i don't know too well, but Shandell and Shannon were with me, and Trevor was there, and we got to play with a Wii!! hehehe, it was ridiculously fun. Then Sunday i worked h-core from 1pm to 2:30 am on 3 papers, worth 20%, 25% and 30% respectively, all due the following day. I am the Queen of Procrastination. After that academic bender, it was time for fun again! I hitched a ride with Trevor to go see Melissa and Sharon in Edmonsuck for a very brief spell! The drive up there started out beautifully, and i text-message my paranoid parents just after Red Deer: "Just left Ded Reer, Weather beautiful." About 3 minutes later, we hit snow. First it was very sticky snow, the flakes going through "precipitation puberty" and transforming into water on contact. It was very mucky, and we used LOTS of washer fluid. Then it progressed to full out whiteout conditions, and i truthfully got quite nervous. Trevor is a very good driver, and we made to Sharon and Melissa's open and loving arms, albeit slightly on edge and out of washer fluid. Melissa made us "Elk-a-getti" which consisted of ground elk, pasta sauce, salsa and spagetti, it was SO GOOD! And we played cards and ate cookies and enjoyed eachothers' presence! Then Sharon and i went for a romantic walk in the gently falling snow, up and down Whyte ave, which is beautifully lit. We came home, watched Heroes, and Melissa and Trevor took their turns walking through the winter wonderland. Then we watched a glorious amount of Scrubs! (i was honestly in heaven). Then we blew up the air mattress, strategically not all the way, so when someone got off the bed, you'd sink about 6 inches, and when they climbed back on, you were abruptly launched into the air! GOOD TIMES!!! Honestly, it was fun just goofing off and knowing my parents weren't going to come downstairs and tell us to go to bed! So me 'n Fluffy slept on the air mattress, keeping eachother warm, and sleeping in until a ridiculous time. Then there was more Scrubs, Melitrev made a McRomance run for us, and me and Trevor had to come back to Calgary!

Initially we were pleased with the sunny skies, though driving South proved bright. Then the snow started blowing across the highways at high speeds, making visibility, AGAIN an issue. I got a little nervous again, and Trevor asked if i would pray for our trip home. Shortly after we did that, the snow stopped blowing, and we were on our merry way again! Just before Lacombe, i felt the familiar shake of discontentment that a car makes when one of it's tires goes flat. So we rung for assistance, had a guy come help us replace the tire (since the traffic on the QE2 is ridiculously intimidating and unsafe), and were delayed by about an hour.

You know what was awesome about all that? How we relied on God. Prayer as a solution to problems. I remember doing that in junior high and high school... faith like a child. But i think through changes in friends and changes in ourselves, we've shyed away from it; that's not how we react to problems these days. We entered the teenage years...the developmental stage of "i'm invincible, i know it all, i don't need anyone's help" (That's exactally what Freud named this stage, trust me). Fortunately, i have less than a month left with the teen suffix, and i know that i can't rely on myself alone. I mean, i never lost my need for God in crisis situations (i mean come on, clinical), but i got used to the prayer under the breath thing. But verbalizing it, like we used to in youth group...it makes a difference.

Anywho, i need to study. Pediatrics final on Monday.

Thanks ^ 1000 to Melissa and Sharon, for their friendships and their hospitality! Thanks to Trevor for driving, and driving safely, and being awesome. And Thanks to God for bringing us "There and Back Again" safely!

Head-injury, or Habitually Hayley?

2006-11-29T21:56:00.000-07:00

I love nursing. Sometimes we cover topics where the symptoms so resinate how we feel at the time that it's pretty funny. Here's a slide from this morning's lecture:
Clinical Manifestations by Severity:
Mild Head Injury (like a concussion)

Low grade headache that will not go away
Slowness in thinking, acting, speaking or reading
Memory Problems
Loss of Balance, unsteady gait (the way you walk)
Difficulty Concentrating
Lethargy
Increased sensitivity to lightsm sounds, distractions
Easily Irritated
Lack of motivation

Just ask Nurse Dani... try to think of a morning lecture where i'm not displaying at least 8 of the 10 above symptoms! Now of course i'm over exaggerating, and i love class and i'm really not that irritable in the morning, (though the difficulty concentrating and the lack of motivation ring true more often than not). I guess it's just moments like this when i remember that my patients are not all that different from me! This is where my ability to empathize really shines, and i can do for my patient what i'd want done for me!

Typical treatment: a warm blanket, the lights turned down low, and some peace and quiet for awhile.

Honestly

2006-11-25T17:46:00.000-07:00

I value honesty. I think this is one of the top things value in my friends (Other than their devastating good looks!). Really, looking back, the only times my friendships falter is when one of us isn't being honest with the other. I tend to get really annoyed when people hide things from me, because to me it feels like they don't think i can handle whatever it is their hiding, and i guess i take that personally. And i mean, of course i know i don't need to know everything that's going on in your life, and i hope i don't come off as snoopy. I don't think i pry people for information, and i think i've curbed my gossiping in recent years (though nursing is rather notorious for it). It's just, if you're intentionally hiding something from me that you think will hurt me, let me be the first to tell you this: i'll probably get over what you're hiding faster than the fact that you're hiding it.
I'm just tired of people trying to protect me, best intentions aside. Like when Shandell was afraid how i'd react when i found out she was moving...it was only 3 blocks away! Granted, that was years ago, and it's a poor example. There are more, but i'd rather not dredge up the past.
I'm on my way to being a nurse. In fact, in roughly 20 months time, i will actually BE an RN! Do you have any idea what i will face then? Life, death, and everything in between. People on the worst days of their lives. I face that now in the ICU, but as an RN i will be directly responsible for that patient's care, or if current health care trends persist, the direct care of 14 patients.
I can handle their life changes and challenges, what makes you think i can't handle yours?

Edit: The tendency to shelter me from things is now called the Flower Syndrome. It has afflicted many of my friends at one time or another, unfortunately i am the one that typically pays. Flower Syndrome involves treating me so delicately that we grow so distant that i come to know you only on a superficial level. In acute cases, it involves lying to me to cover up what you don't want me to know. The only cure for it is honesty. Happily, the recovery rate is very fast, and i'm happy to report that there is a 99% chance of a full recovery. However, without proper treatment and attention, the friendship in question may disintegrate beyond recognition.
You CAN stop the spread of Flower Syndrome!

First Fruits

2006-11-23T10:20:00.000-07:00

So...remember last night's post? (I know at least Cyler does)
I've been trying something new lately. We talked in Church about First Fruits. In the Old Testament, when God helped bring down Jericho (ok, realistically He did ALL of the work), God commanded that the first place the Isrealites came to be reserved for Him only. You must understand, the Isrealites had just wandered the desert for over 40 years by this point, and they were really looking for a home. And the first place they came to was this beautiful paradise, an Oasis in the middle of the desert where they could have easily settled. But God said "No. This place is mine. I brought you through this, and now as a symbol to me, you're going to give me the first and best. It's a step of faith, you need to trust that I have another place for you, and that I will continue to provide for you."
This practice was familiar to the Isrealites, they practiced a sacrifice at harvest time where they gave God 10% off the top, the very first and best of the harvest. We talked in Church about how best we can apply this to our lives. I'm honestly an evening person, i like to reflect on things at the end of the day. I'm groggy at best when i first wake up. But I decided that every night i would read over a passage of scripture, then write it out in bright ink at the top of the next journal page. Then in the morning, i would wake up, push the alarm button which i had set 15 critial minutes earlier than necessary, roll over and copy out the selected passage. This forces me to stay awake and think about what i'm writing. And it's been amazing so far. Starts my day off right. Completely worth it.
You know what happened next. 4 day shifts at work, meaning that 15 minutes earlier was too early for me. So i stopped the habit. For about a week. I had a passage of scripture at the top of a fresh page, waiting for me every morning. And last night i wrote that blog about transparency. This morning, my first sleep-in day in over 2 weeks, and i can't sleep. (which most of you know is almost NEVER a problem for me!)
So i cracked open my Bible and Journal, and this is what had awaited me for a week:
"You don't get wormy apples off a healthy tree, nor good apples off a diseased tree. You must begin with your own life-giving lives. It's who you are, not what you say or do, that counts.
Your true being brims over into true words and deeds".
Luke 6:43-45
The answer was waiting for me all along.

Transparency and Tithing

2006-11-22T12:55:00.000-07:00

Alot of people think of transparency as a bad thing. Like in a certain episode of Scrubs, Elliot feels invisible to Dr. Cox, when all she craves is to be treated like a colleague (Season 2, My Big Mouth). In the next epidsode, she gets a rather sketchy reputation, and while she's at first upset about her new label, she becomes content with the fact that at least she's not invisible anymore (My New Coat). My personal favorite line: "Elliot Reid: SLUT"

Really, i don't think transparency is such a bad thing. I guess i don't get ignored very often, and i'm really talking about a different kind of transparency. I love hanging out with people i can be transparent with. I don't have to worry about putting on a happy face, or an intellectual facade. I love having close friends who can honestly see right through me, right down to where my heart is, or where my intentions lie. Like when i talk with Shandell, and we know without saying that we're in nursing for more than the money or the career. Or when i talk with Melissa about kids, and how special they are and how fun they are to work with. Or when Ryan and i discuss what's going on in our Churches or in our relationships. Or when i talk to Andrea and Barbara and Sharon and Cyler about going to Africa. I don't have to be afraid of what they think, i know they're not going to mock my dreams. I know they might even share in them. If i'm having a bad day, i can be transparent around these people, and i can let it show. Its so much easier to be real around you. (The preceeding list was not exclusive, i'm ridiculously blessed to have many MANY friends i can be real with.)

But i want to be transparent to the world too. I wish that when i do something for the right reasons, people could see that i'm doing it for God. I wish they could see that i'm motivated by serving Christ, not myself. I want people to see my heart, and to know that its been changed. Of course, being transparent would make it easier because i wouldn't have to say anything about my faith. And it would be harder if people could see my heart 24/7, because when i sin, they'd see it as a poor reflection of Christ. Accountability to the extreme. The beautiful part is the emphasis of grace. How we react to things, how we extend God's grace upon us to others, that's crucial. Actions reflect where the heart reflect. So maybe i can just trust that my actions will reflect where my heart is.

Oh, and a Sobering fact for the day for all of you: The Power of Giving
"If Christians had given the traditional 10 percent of their income to their churches in 2004, instead of the 2.56 percent that they actually gave, there would have been an additional $164 BILLION available, according to a report released in October called "The State of Church giving through 2004". If the churches chose to funnel just $70-$80 billion of that additional income to missions and humanitarian works, the basic needs of every person on the globe would be provided."

It's weird, we're mostly adults now. I'm turning 20 in January, and i have my own income now. I can't just fish into my piggy bank once a week and pull out a couple of bucks to sacrifice from my candy money. I remember Donald Miller addressed this topic at the end of Blue Like Jazz, and to be honest, its been bugging me ever since i read it. This little tidbit bugs me even more. I figured i shouldn't be alone in my frustration, so i decided to let you'all in on it. Thanks for reading my ramblings.

Goo Goo Doll'd and Flat Tired

2006-11-10T12:18:00.000-07:00

it's been an eventful few days! I got to drive through a blizzard to pick up Barbara from the airport, and then drive us through the skating rink that was Calgary to the Goo Goo Dolls concert! It was at the Jack Singer, so the sound quality was AMAZING! My only beef was that they didn't play "Here is Gone" or "Big Machine", but they did play alot of my favorites, and alot from their new album, Let Love In. Kevin also came into town for the big event, and Marisa joined us at the concert hall. It was a very emotional concert, though made more lighthearted by the two high kids in the front row. John Rzeznik brought them munchies, and asked if they woudl share their brownies, it was really funny.
Last night was my first hands on practical at the New Childrens Hospital. It's beautiful. And i love it. I love kids. The only drawback was that getting home was a gong-show for me and Dani. We hitched a ride with a fellow student nurse to the Foothills where my car was parked, after i used my indigo-chapters card to scrap off her windshield, sans gloves. It was a very chilly evening, and we were very thankful once we got to the hot red car. She made some funny noises as we drove out, but i thought it was just her warming up. But when she began to radically vibrate going up Shaganappi, i was forced to pull over where? Back at the new Children's hospital. Fortunately, it was only a flat tire, no rim damage to my knowledge, and the AMA guy was actually there within 20 minutes!
I'm actually thankful for the timing of this flat tire. It could have blown in the blizzard on Wednesday, leaving Barbara stranded at the airport and me without a cell phone and with a probable 5 hour wait for a tow truck during a blizzarding rush-hour. Or it could have blown on our way to the Goo Goo Dolls concert, on some icy street. Or it could have blown on our way to clinical, making us late for our first day. So really, good timing on the hott red car's part! All ended well, with Dani and i even making it home in time for the 11pm episode of ER!

Jarid - sized - void

2006-11-07T14:36:00.000-07:00

So Jarid leaves today for New Zealand. Here's some background on my friend Jarid. We worked at the theater together in grade 12, and really hit it off when our respective best friends started dating. 3 years of climbing, movies, Scrubs and Peters drive-in milkshakes later, Jarid's leaving Calgary for a 6 month rowing adventure in Nelson, New Zealand. I wish him the best of luck!

Jarid helped get me through the first two years of nursing. He let me practice blood pressures and health assessment on him, and i'm really going to miss him this year when we start IV's! (Jarid has huge veins that you could hit with a dart from across the room, its AWESOME.) He let me vent at the end of a clinical day, and offered me a tequila sunrise after every health assessment class. With his adorable 4 year old cousin, i made an ugly Easter egg for him. We share an admiration of the Phantom of the Opera, Scrubs, Boondock Saints, and LOST. My mom's little Filipino friends are constantly in awe of his height. He's even enjoyed a good relationship with my typically uber protective father. I teased Jarid this week that i'm predisposed to enjoying pediatric clinical because i've been taking care of him for the past 3 years, and i'm used to looking after helpless things! But in reality, Jarid isn't helpless, though i do think this trip will test him. I'll most definitely miss him.

I'm open to anyone coming over to watch Scrubs, but you must know you can never fill the "Jarid-sized-void" in my life...that void is 6 foot 5.

Horrifying Halloween Haikus

2006-11-01T23:50:00.000-07:00

Clearly i have too much time on my hands. Or not enough, considering there was no time to post these last night. Maybe all who read this will still feel their "Halloween Hangovers", ie: post-candy binge regrets.

High glucose intake,
hyperglycemia, yeah.
I love Halloween.

Sexy Nurse classmate,
great costume, scrubs and white cap.
Surprize! It's a guy!

Snow White reappears,
still waiting for Prince Charming,
avoiding apples.

Work in I.C.U.
with a very real fear of ghosts
pale patients soon gone.

Sugar high nurses,
there's a zombie in bed 2.
Grab the narcan, Run!

the phantom call bell,
three times does it resonate,
then silence, and peace.

Not the deepest poetry, i know. But i hope you enjoyed!

Too sweet?

2006-10-26T14:05:00.000-06:00

This will be brief, because i SHOULD be studying, but i read something interesting last night. You know how as Christians, we're called to be salt?

"You are the salt of the earth, but if salt has lost its taste (its strength, its quality), how can its saltness be restored? It is not good for anything any longer but to be thrown out and trodden underfoot by men."
Matthew 5:13 (Amplified Bible)

Have you ever used sugar instead of salt? Or salt instead of sugar? (Sorry Melissa, i don't mean this to be an attack on your cooking...) I imagine salt as authentic Christianity, truly loving God and loving others. Sugar is the rhetoric, the drama, the hypocracy that Christianity has become associated with. To the world, superficially, sugar and salt look the same. Yet clearly, once you've tasted them, they're radically different. Salt preserves what is good. Salt in an open wound stings, but it also heals. Sugar turns to fat and gives you cavities. I don't want to take this metaphor too much further, but you get my drift.

I wonder if i'm a little too sweet some days. Do i just say what i know people want to hear, to make them feel better about themselves? Am i sweet on the lips, but bitter in the stomach? Should i be a little saltier? Salt in an open wound stings, but it also heals. Preserve what is good. Be different.

Thoughts to ponder.

(Next week, tune in for the metaphor of the ketchup and mustard...)

I'll be there for you

2006-10-20T13:28:00.000-06:00

Sorry, not the Friends theme song...though this post strongly relates to friends. I was thinking yesterday about how my friends are so important to me, and how i want to be there with them for important things/moments in their lives, or how i want to experience things with them. I know many of the following moments or things might not happen, but i can dream.

I want to be Melissa's Doula.

I want to work with Shandell on the same unit when we're nurses.

I want to travel with Shannon somewhere to do something practical together.

I want to go to Africa with Sharon, Shannon, Barbara and Andrea.

I want to chase a penguin with Trevor.

I want to go Kayaking with Jarid.

I want to watch Dani go deep water soloing.

I want be with Cyler when he takes a really cool amazing picture.

I want to be at the Stanley Cup final with Marisa when the Flames take it! ( or at least watching the game with her)

I want to walk Commercial Drive again with Ryan, and hear him drum again.

I want to go to a Ben Harper concert with Barbara and Kevin.

I want to tour the set of LOST with Dani and Jo, as we hang out in Hawaii with Jack, Sawyer, and maybe Boon. (Let's beat up Henry too)

I want to watch the sun actually rise with Andrea and Melissa. (maybe we need to do this in the winter ;)

I want to be at any and every wedding that involves any of the above people getting married.

Tailgate.

That's my list. OH, and an official announcement.

DECEMBER 23, 2006.

Book it off.

By Popular Demand...

2006-10-15T14:00:00.000-06:00

I've been procrastinating on this post. There's alot on my heart right now, and verbalizing it has gotten harder and harder. Let's start with the easy stuff. My Post-partum rotation is almost over. I got to give lots of newborn baths and ask lots of awkward questions, and learn some new assessments. Amazingly enough, after witnessing a few births, i'm not terrified into adoption territory, though it would be awesome to adopt. I also created a new bond with Melissa, i'm going to be her doula! We know this is thinking ridiculously ahead, but it's still all good.
Early last month, Kirk spoke at our little Church. He talked about his little girl, Bree, collecting beanie babies to take to Africa, for all the kids without mommies and daddies. This touched me, and i gathered all of me 'n Melissa's beanies and gave them to Kirk the following weekend. This man, this family, live with such faith, and i admire them very much. Kirk believes in his daughter, and wants to take the whole family to Rwanda next year. (whole family meaning wife and four kids!) Kirk has a friend doing missions there, working with street kids, orphans, women and refugees. I asked him "could they use a nurse?". He said of course! and he hooked me up with Jen. We've e-mailed back and forth a bit already, and i really want to go. I need to see for myself what AIDS is doing to Africa, and what politics have allowed AIDS to do to Africa. So Kirk and i have talked about me going to Rwanda at the same time as them. I could help them look out for the kids, and i could get some idea of where my place might be there. If it is there.
For any of you who know me and my family, you know my biggest concern is my parents. Last summer i got the "Over my dead body" speech. But i brought it up again, and i got the "you're an adult now, it's your life" speech. WOW. unexpected. freeing. a little scary. Basically, if i can pull it together financially myself, they won't stop me.
Another opportunity is through University. I could study for a semester in KENYA...that would be amazing! I'd pay U of C Tuition and Res fees, and study there starting January 2008. The catch is, only 2 people can go. And i don't have all my options done yet. My parents would be far more accepting of that.
The cool part of all this, my conviction to serve in Africa, is that i've been more focused on my schoolwork, because i see everything as "maybe i'll have to apply this in Africa". Especially this maternity stuff. Pediatrics is next, and i LOVE working/playing with children!
Cyler took me 'n Dani and Diana to a documentary, Uganda Rising. Ryan, you would've been really proud, it talked about the Invisible Children, and the horrible things that happened there, the horrible things that continue to happen there. I just wanted to reach inside that screen and hug each and every child on the screen, and tell them how beautiful they are, and how much God loves them.
I learned something about what it means to be an RN this week. My goal as a nurse is to look at my patient as a whole person, not a physical body sick with disease. I look at the physical in the context of the social, psychological, and spiritual. Nursing is the only profession that does this. Doctors treat you physically, psychologists - mentally, social workers - socially. Occupational therapists help you get back to work, respiratory therapists work on your lungs, the chaplain handles your spirit. Don't get me wrong, these jobs are critically important! It's just that nurses are called to identify problems in each of these areas and help the patient with them first. If the issue is too big, we refer them to the specialists. I love the fact that my job description does not end with the physical interventions, like IV's, dressing changes and hygiene.
I want to find an organization to partner where i'd be encouraged to be that kind of nurse; to treat the patient physically in the context of everything else going on in their lives.

Pinch me

2006-09-24T14:35:00.000-06:00

"It's the perfect time of year...somewhere far away from here..."

Wow. it's been two weeks since i posted. i've wanted to on several occassions, because believe me, i've had alot of "blogworthy" things happen over the past 13 days. But if you're reading this and i talk to you often, i want to tell you, in person, or over the phone if you're outside of Cowtown. Blogs are awesome, but if they keep you from being curious about my life, or keep you from calling and checking up on me, then they're no good. Just know that i am well, i am excited, and i'm working uber hard at third year nursing. My first week was like being hit over the head by a 2x4, so overwhelmed was i. More about that later i suppose.

I hope you're all well, don't hesitate to call me, but i might not be home, just ask Andrea :S. But i will try to get back to you.

New Beginnings

2006-09-11T20:53:00.000-06:00

On Saturday, Allie and Wes got married! I went to Junior High and High School with Allie. She is amazing. Look up "All-Star" in the dictionary, and her gorgeous picture would be there. Volleyball extrordinare. Genius in the classroom. I could go on and on, Allie, i love you dearly, and it's been my honor to be your friend these last few years! And my double honor to be a witness to your marriage!
Jo was one of the beautiful bridesmaids, and she co-ordinated an on-the-spot dance party with the little flowergirls on the dancefloor. The speeches were perfect and beautiful, and Allie's song brought tears to my eyes and a standing ovation from the entire room. *sigh* it was beautiful. Special thanks to Kevin for being my arm-candy for the event! The night wouldn't have been complete without your patented "white boy shuffle".

Needless to say, it was an exciting way to start off the school year! And by far, the best wedding of the summer! (i can legitimatly say that, i went to four.) One of the highlights was when Jo turned to me, and said "Hayley, we're old now. We're of marrying age. And we're single! *cheers!*"
Blessings to both Allie and Wes, and your new lives together!

My Summer Summary

2006-09-05T22:21:00.000-06:00

It's been almost a month! What has happened in that month? I worked full time either in the ICU or the OR, same as last month. I was scheduled for a 6 day vacation to go to Saskatchewan with my family for a relative's wedding. But i got called in for the first day and last day... so it was four days off, 6 days in a row. Then one day off. I "could" say no, but what with me paying tuition this year, and this being the last paycheque i'll get before school starts, i couldn't resist. So this past week CRAMMED with work and goodbyes. Sorry, i mean "see you laters", those are less painful. It was honestly a person a day. So to Barbara, Andrea, Sharon, Melissa, Ryan and Kevin, thanks for the kicken summer, and i'll see you later! Looking back, these six are among those who made my summer memorable and enjoyable, and i'm glad that we had this time together! The Margarita Mondays, the general mischief, the movies and the summer drives. And I'm VERY glad i have free long distance, once i update my phone with you're new numbers, i'll have lots of phone dates and reasons to visit exotic places, like Saskatoon and Langley! AND My Christmas party will be QUITE the reunion!
But it's time to turn around, get back into the learning mode, dust off the medical dictionary and my stethescope, and start school in a week! Third year nursing people! YIKES! This round i have a bit more of an idea of my specialty...i've chosen to start with a stint in the Intensive Care Unit, to gain some learning experience. I'd LOVE to get a graduate nurse position with them next summer! I want to get some solid nursing skills and experience under my belt before trying to travel, or trying for the Operating Room. As many people tell me, it's a good place to work when you're young and don't have a family to commit to yet. And it's the only time of your life when your body/mind can handle it. So that's the goal.
I'm VERY excited for people to come back here too! The highlights of this week will be seeing Jo hopefully in the near future, seeing Nurse Dani on Sunday, and somewhere in between, slowing down and catching up with Marisa! OH, and of course, the highlight will be Allie's wedding on Saturday! I'm definitely bringing kleenex, she's going to look so beautiful!
I hope everyone's transitions are going as well as mine this september...I guess it's not THAT much of a transition for me...my bank account is going to feel it more than me...and i'll still be working at a hospital around 4 times a week, which will be a nice change from the previous 8. Because you know you're at a hospital too much if the residents say you work too much :S.

Making a Mockery of Modesty

2006-08-08T19:26:00.000-06:00

Did you delight in my delicate delivery of a dubious, dare i say, dastardly descriptor? Do endeavor to discover the drift of my derranged diary debut!

Don't ask where that came from, i simply don't know!

So i had the most awesome Sunday ever! I came home from Church, set up my magnificent hammock in the backyard, in the shade, and read Invitation to the Game by Monica Hughes. SUCH a good book. Once finished said book, i watched 2 episodes of Scrubs on my family's portable DVD player, while still on my hammock. SO awesome. Then on Monday, i went for Gelato with the beautiful Andrea, then we were joined by Shandell for a float down the Bow River in my Sea Hawk 500! It was SO awesome! in 30 degree heat, definitely what the Nurse ordered. tee hee. We were nearly jumped on by an extremely obnoxious bridge jumper, and Shandell's fun level really can be measured by # of bruises!

Quote of the day: "Hayley, your paddling is inadequate at best."

So the following are pictures from two ridiculous events that were highlights from my summer. The first: Dressing up Shandell's Statue. In the cover of darkness, myself and a few, "anonymous" individuals thought we would dress the Sardachuk Statue, unbeknowingst to them! Hilarity ensued:

The Second wonderful event will be showcased at a later date...

I survived!

2006-07-31T13:34:00.000-06:00

The crazy weekend is over! I actually had some really good shifts in ICU; i really work well with the staff there, and it was actually pretty quiet in the mornings. We went 36 hours without admitting anyone into the ICU, which is apparantly a record-breaking amount of time. But when i was alone at the desk, we admitted 3 people!! Whenever we admit a new patient, things get really exciting really fast. You've got to order new tests, do new paperwork, call more doctors for more consults, co-ordinate alot of important things. So with three simultaneous admissions, it was a little crazy. Plus this guy comes up to my desk and is like "Can you please call a code blue for the CT scanner?" (Code blue is a medical emergency, usually cardiac arrest, or someone going unresponsive for some unknown reason.) Normally people call the switchboard, which then calls me, so the ICU outreach team can RUN and respond to the code with the crash cart and doctors. So this time I call the code, and everyone runs, and it was generally an exciting time.

In other news, you know you've been watching alot of Scrubs when you start to have this inner monologue going. So this blog is my inner monologue. It was a strange week, but i'm really at peace with it. I feel like i have a hundred doors ahead of me, a hundred choices to make, but not right now. I feel like everything that happens to me now critically impacts my future. Here's some examples:

Last fall i heard that the perioperative program would be shutting down. It's the course i'll need to take to become an O.R. nurse, if that's the pathway i'd want to go. So the termination of that program was a door closing for me. Now it's starting up again, running a few times every year, because there's such a shortage of O.R. nurses. Door opens again, and looks tempting. I know alot about the O.R., the staff, the flow, some of the politics, some of the opportunities. Being an O.R. nurse would also still get me into the missions field, as part of my 5 year plan as well... some would argue that O.R. nurses are more sought after than normal nurses, because of their specialized skills. Hmm... so that door is still open.

Then i learned that next November, the ICU is considering hiring grad nurses. A grad nurse is a nursing student who has finished third year nursing and has taken nursing 406, which is an intense clinical practicum. Grad nurses get ~$22/hour, and take on responsibilities very close to what an actual RN could do. In the ICU, that would mean 3 months of orientation and 3 months of shadowing a nurse directly. WOW. That would be so cool. and ICU nurses are amazing; the skills they have, the way they work with families and doctors and the patient, how they're so aware of everything that's going on with their patient and what needs to be done to fix what's wrong...i have mad respect for them. And again, i have experience in the ICU; i have my foot in the door, because the whole ICU has seen my work ethic, and they would know what to expect from me. Another door open. Getting into U of C nursing first try; that was an open door, and i couldn't be happier with where i am.

This whole door thing works for relationships too. Like us not getting a pastor yet...door closed!!! I don't like closing doors, for fear of what i could be missing. I'm trying to give my trust over to God, to allow Him to open or close doors for me. And i need Him to help me make these decisions, of which doors to walk through. Of course, i know myself, and i know how to watch out for red flags. Some of you may know the red flags that i speak of, and how too many of them are just a clear indicator to end something before it even begins. I can't be wooed by puppy dogs and milkshakes, and if you cause my co-workers to doubt me or my character, things will not go well between us. Someone who barely knows me bluntly stated "Hayley, you can do so much better". Just stop now, before things get anymore awkward. door closed!

But not all doors closing mean a slamming door. Sometimes doors need to be closed gently, to preserve friendship on both sides. Like one of those cool half doors that most awesome Baptist Church Nurseries have so the little munchkins can't escape. Sometimes between two people, half a door needs to be closed, to re-established the friendship. It looks a little strange, but you can still see eachother, be friends, and be a part of eachothers' lives. It's not a door slamming shut, but it's also not using a door stopper to keep the door, and hope, open. The door isn't locked, but for now it's right that it's closed.

Next week, on the Poor Metaphors Channel, we'll look at revolving doors, doors made out of glass, and doors that you need to push buttons to go through.

LOL, so my last bit of news, apparantly i'm getting married! Just kidding, for now. The picture at the top is of the bouquet of flowers i caught at a co-workers wedding. It was a beautiful catch, i jumped up and caught it with both arms above my head! And subsequently turned bright red. But they're my symbol of hope. I'm not supersticious (i obviously can't even spell it), but it's a nice thought, right?

See you later, Alligator

2006-07-26T22:55:00.000-06:00

Work called this morning.
"Good Morning Hayley, you know how you're working in the ICU from 3pm to 7pm on Friday and Saturday?"
"Yeah..."
"How would you like to come in from 7am to 7pm for both shifts instead?"
"Um..."
"They'll pay you overtime"
"Sign me up!"

So according to my calculations, starting at 3pm on July 27th, i will work 52 of the subsequent 96 God-given hours. 8 of those 52 hours will be blessed overtime, which i am ecstatic about.

On the plus side, i've spent my day off watching probably 3 hours of Scrubs, a coupla hours doing yoga for the first time with Andrea, Marisa and Stacey, 2.5 hours of talking on the phone withRyan while watching a cool lightning storm, AND, most importantly, the first >6 hour sleep i've had in a long time, due to this blasted heat wave.

Time is precious. and given that 36 of these hours will be pulled in the ICU, i'll likely learn how precious time is.

Next Monday Night...anyone willing to buy me a stiff drink if i make it through? I'm thinking the Earls Margarita Monday again.

One leap forward...one step backwards.

2006-07-23T16:45:00.000-06:00

So. Last week i got invited to the wedding of one of our OR educators. She's a beautiful nurse who has recently taken over the job of teaching the perioperative program (the course you need to take to become an OR nurse.) I was invited to go as the date of the other educator, Cal. Nice guy, we get along really well, and i had a really good time! The wedding was yesterday, in the intense dry heat of July in Calgary. And it was only slightly awkward...someone told Cal i was 22, when i am clearly 19. And someone also told me Cal has a thing for me, but i think that was just a rumor...and he's definitely eight years older than i am. And if i decide to be an OR nurse, Cal would be my teacher. How many ways can you spell awkward? But again, i had a blast, the other OR nurses were surprized but happy to see me there, and one of the doctors kept trying to buy me drinks. Fortunatly my Irish blood held true, and i didn't make a fool of myself. Funny thing though, the guy at our table, Ben, tried to guess my age, and he came up with 24 or 25!! So that was my leap forward, being seen as mature and beautiful in the eyes of my co-workers.

But the sad part came this morning. It was announced that our pastoral candidate has declined taking the role of our pastor. It just sucks...for those of you who don't know, my home church, which i love very much, has been pastor-less for the past 3 years. First we had a sort of "loaner pastor" from the Nazarene denomination that we were sort of a part of. But then we gave up with having a denomination, so they took him back, and we've been kind of floating around since then, with guest speakers and the awesome Dan Schuster speaking more than often. But for the first time we thought we had it together. This awesome pastor had already sold his house in Winnipeg and had preached at our Church and we'd had a picnic with him and his family and it just felt right. And i was excited to have a solid pastor. But no. It was not to be, and we are without again.

I know God has a shepherd in mind for His followers at Grace Community. We have a spirit of perseverance, i mean, we haven't had a pastor in 3 years. I thought my wait was over.

a little bit of Tomfoolery never hurt anyone...

2006-07-22T02:23:00.000-06:00

So, i start this post off on a high note:

I have the coolest friends ever.

I could brag about them for quite awhile. And i had an awesome week, largely because of them. First was Margarita Monday with Shandell, Drew, Melissa, Trevor, Andrea, Sharon and Stu. And it was fun because of the people there, NOT because of the mango-raspberry margaritas on special! Shan and i spoke our own language, (nostalgia with a large proportion of nursing lingo) and we all compared/contrasted work stressors and funny work stories. Then Tuesday Barbara was in town, and we hooked up for amazing lunch, then lunch with Shandell, Sharon, Shannon and Sarah downtown (yeah, felt a little outnumbered...)
And lunch with Jarid on Friday!
Then tonite after work, a surprize rendezvous with Cyler and Trevor and Melissa and Andrea, which was a ridiculous blast.
I sincerely pray that i never lose the ability to laugh at myself, or to lose myself in the moment. Location doesn't matter, (so long as it's reasonably safe), the availability of beverages of a recreational nature does not matter, just the company, and our willingness to just be goofy, if the situation calls for it. I love being with people who accept my giddy, random deviations from reality, whether it be squealing "Deli-man-joo!!!" and pulling Shandell over to the cream puff station, or playing shopping cart chicken in a parking lot. I love being with people who embrace and add to my need to get away from the seriousness of the OR/ICU.

I've seen some brutal things this summer, seen that people can be stupid, and malicious. I know i've gotten just a taste of mankind's propensity for evil, and that's left a slightly bitter taste in my mouth. But to the people who add so much to my life, you've made this summer that much sweeter.

Intense Intensive Care

2006-07-16T22:04:00.000-06:00

An update at last...
So Intensive Care is Intense. Go figure! But it's making me see things differently, yet again. I get to hear things before they make the news. As such, there are things i can't post in a blog. But everyone has a story. I recognize family members who are at the bedside of there seriously ill loved ones, who are blearly eyed at 2am getting coffee from the garden deli, just like me.
I've been working more than full time for the past two weeks...90 hours split between the ICU and the OR, and its been a madhouse in both places. You'd think we'd be getting the attractive cowboys who've been trampled by 4000 pound animals. But no, we get the people who have pounded back indeterminate amounts of alcohol and have tried something stupid. I'm with a few of my friends on this one, Stampede has become a stupid excuse to get trashed. Albeit, i see the results of the people who go overboard, and they're thankfully not the majority. But from my perspective, i've gotten to see the HUGE crunch on the health care system that everyone anticipates this time of year...the ICU was literally overflowing, with 5 patients competing for one bed...sickest one "wins". OR was running 4 rooms when we usually run three. Props go out to the supernurses of the OR, especially the ones who worked from 7am until 10pm, that's just insane. I've pulled my share of insanity too, i worked 8 hours in the OR, then walked down the hall to pull 4 hours of overtime in the ICU. On the plus side, that overtime may have just paid for one of my textbooks next year!
I value my friends more than ever these days, especially for allowing me to vent on them. My jobs are stressfull, but that doesn't mean i'm the only one stressed out right now.
And funny thing, God's teaching me things here too, through weird ways and teachers. More about that later.

Quote of the Day...

2006-07-04T19:06:00.000-06:00

if "conveying a false impression of the truth" is a good definition for lying, and lying is a sin, then how do all those preachers justify wearing toupees?
- Jason Boyett, author of "Pocket Guide to the Bible", my new favorite and highly recommended summer read

Canada Day Festivities

2006-07-03T14:40:00.000-06:00

So the above is a picture from my Canada Day party, shortly after midnight, as we were having a dance party in my family room! It was incredible amounts of fun! Unfortunatly i didn't get any pictures beforehand, when more people were around, but we ate marvelous beef on a bun and played Hoopla and Mafia and watched the fireworks, and it was just a genuinely good time!

Church was good on Sunday too, despite my fatigue from the previous night. And i had coffee with a friend from Church, who was also at the Canada day party. He had just met most of my friends, and commented on how great my friends seem. They don't just seem great, i realized, they really are great! And i'm truly thankful for all my friends, including people who have left for the summer, and people who are leaving in September. i'm choosing not to freak out over change, but just to roll with it, and to use it as incentive to spend as much quality time with people as i can!

I really needed this Canada day party to just remind myself that life is good. I needed a short escape from the OR and the ICU, where to a certain extent it is doom and gloom. I don't want to rant about it here, it probably woudn't be professional of me either. And i do love my job(s). I've just been living the life of extremes this summer, i guess you could say. Extreme hard work with my spring course and work, Extreme relaxation and affluence in California, Extreme sleep depravation and stress in the ICU, and extreme fun on Canada day! When you're at one end of the spectrum, you can really appreciate the other.

Thanks for a wonderful Canada Day everyone, and i leave you with this ominous hint towards the future...

Bastille Day is less than two weeks away...

Hit the ground running...

2006-06-16T19:55:00.000-06:00

So i'm home from the O.C., and it was a really good time! Barbara and i hit up Universal Studios, Knott's Berry Farm, the Walk of Fame, and our personal highlight, Laguna Beach. Barbara has some childhood history there too, which made it all the better. Shopping was super fun, what with our good exchange rate, and shopping with Barbara is simply a blast, regardless of financial backing. Lots of good stories, how about this one for you:

What did Hayley and Barbara's tour of Hollywood get interuppted by?

a) Tom Cruise handing out pamphlets outside the temple of scientology

b) A Peace Protest under the Hollywood sign

or c) a Gay Pride Parade

If you guessed C, you're definitely right. Barbara and i saw these four buff, good looking guys walking down the sidewalk wearing white mini-skirts...and only white mini skirts. WOW.
Anywho, the week flew by, and before i knew it, i was home in soggy Calgary... (symbolically, the sun didn't shine the whole week Barbara and i were gone). The following morning, i reported to the ICU of the Foothills for my first orientation as their casual unit clerk. It's very different from the OR... there's 2 unit clerks at the desk from 7 am to 11pm ideally, to answer phones and call bells. And a printer spits out copious amounts of paperwork, which are actually doctors orders and have to be delivered to each of the 22 bedsides. But it's cool, because each bedside has a computer console. The care is 1:1, and these nurses are intense. i really respect them already, they're super nice, and handle stress REALLY well. But all the patients are typically really sick, if they start getting better, they're shipped out to a different unit, like one i'd work on as a student nurse. I see the saddest, most scared families in the hospital.

But anyways, by noon on my first day i was answering the phones, where 75% of the battle is remembering to answer "ICU, Hayley speaking" and not "Operating Room, this is Hayley"... its intense, lemme tell you. But i really like it so far, "thrilling" is how i describe it to people who ask. I'll still be in the O.R., i'm basically on call to either unit, but as booked shifts go, i'm working very close to full time, which is exciting! I'll be working some night shifts too, most of my shifts are 12 hours, 7-7... yeah, h-core.

Maintaining the Professional Facade, OH yeah!

I'm in the O.C.!!

2006-06-08T10:25:00.000-06:00

That's right, Barbara and i are in the O.C. - Orange County California! No sight of the typical O.C. crowd, but we've onl been here fore 18 hours. We're staying with my mom's childhood best friend and her sisters and her son, and they're extremely hospitable...and short! LOL, loves the little Filipinos. Barbara and i were famished, so we had our first "in and out" burger on the way home. WOW, so cheap and good and greasy! $1.50 for a burger with all the fixings? we felt gross after though, SO greasy, and i kept thinking about medical sociology and inequality and poor nutrition in America, it was awesome. There's an incredible amount of fast food here, very sketchy. anyways, we visited Tita Brenda near San Diego, after spending a VERY long time in traffic, it's ridiculous, the freeways and overpasses and GRIDLOCK. Barbara and i both noticed the large number of SUV's here, its like everyone drives one! and there's typically just one person per car...makes me sad. We had a wonderful Filipino feast with Tita Brenda, Tita Jessie and Tita Chona, including Leche flan!! And as soon as we got to Tita Chona's house, they showed us where all the food was...of course! Fun plans for today, we'll update you further, but if you have a souvenier request, post a comment!
Love you all,
Hayley

Upsetting Anniversary

2006-06-05T20:21:00.000-06:00

You know, 25 years is not a long time. This is contrary to the opinion most people would expect from a 19 year old, but it's really not a long time at all. Especially in the grand scheme of things. So how is it, that in only 25 years, 25 million people have died from AIDS?

Today, the media buzz is the fact it has been 25 years to the day since the first cases of HIV were discovered in Los Angeles. 25 000 000 people, gone. And what of the 40 million people worldwide, virtually the "walking dead", who will die without treatment? I mean, of course there's no cure yet, but allow me to reiterate, anti-retroviral (ARV) medications can slow down the progression of the disease to a significant degree. In the first world, you can live with AIDS for a long time. Granted, life is not peachy; there's still a lot of stigma attached to it, reminiscint of leperosy, except it's often physically invisible.

AIDS amplifies inequality; in affluent nations people are more likely to have access to the ARV's, as well as better diets and hygiene. This lengthens their life expectancies. However, in impoverished nations, the disease progresses at an alarmingly fast rate...the strain in Africa goes from HIV to AIDS much faster than the North American strain... people can die 2-3 years after being infected with HIV. Combine that with the poverty, inadequate nutrition, hygiene, and underfunded health care system of many regions of Africa, and you've got a deadly recipe for a pandemic. And far from being a gay-male disease, the infection rates have skyrocketed for African women - now 70% of infected African's are women, because biologically, females contract AIDS more readily than men.

Yet again, i publish an entry angry.

Two sightings! And it's only 10 am...

2006-06-03T10:16:00.000-06:00

I love work. It has its perks.
Dr. Frank has dropped by my desk twice today! And it's only 10 am! I feel weird posting this, considering the doom and gloom of my previous posts. But still. He was flirty again today, i'm pretty sure i turned bright red. Mother of pearl...oh happy day!!! He's so funny too! Hopefully he'll stop by for a little longer next time...he just returned our fiberoptic laryngoscope... if he needs it again, I alone hold the key! (*tee hee*)
Who knows? Maybe he'll want to come to Africa with me!
What are you doing on Saturday, Dr. Frank?

Look Out...Hayley's Angry

2006-06-02T17:44:00.000-06:00

I just need to process this right now...i can't concentrate on my schooling or studying, because this is making me SO MAD. It's been...just over a week since this has been just forced on me, like a tidal wave, and i have to accept that, right now, there is not a lot i can do about it. The injustice is just eating away at me, and i don't know what to do. I know what i want to do, but right now, it's not feasable.

But i suppose i should enlighten you as to why i am so incredibly angry.

A week ago, i watched a lecture about AIDS in Africa. Like i said in a previous post, i'm not used to being motivated into missionary-like action through a lecture. But this is different, and i can't get it off my mind. The more i learn, the more angry i get. My world has gotten A LOT bigger. I work in the Calgary Health Region. I'm learning about how to give good nursing care. I can look forwards to being "in-demand" for the rest of my career, because Canada's population is aging, and nursing staff is "badly needed". Normally, that's not where quotations marks should go. But here's what helped get me riled up...

100 new nurses graduated in Swaziland in 2003. Forty-one went abroad.
ONE in three public-health jobs goes unfilled in South Africa.
SIX doctors care for every 100,000 people in Uganda.
200+doctors care for every 100,000 people in Canada.
¾ of all doctors in both Zimbabwe and Ghana leave the country.

there is SUCH inequality, and it's making me sick! There is so much need for medical professionals, but our affluent nations continue to tempt them over to the Western world with promises of large salaries and better quality of life. And i'm caught here, because i do think that everyone deserves a chance to live with a high standard of living. A doctor practicing in Uganda gets $65 a month... he could be making an astronomical amount more practicing in a different country. But the need is so much more intense in Africa, and their shortages so much worse than ours.

I'm so proud to be Canadian, but my national pride took a hit today, when i found out that in the late 1990's Alberta paid for 40 doctors, and their families to be flown from South Africa to work here. I don't know how to feel...they're given a chance to live well, in a foreign country, but what happens back home? I can't feel good about taking the doctors they need so badly to treat our aging population...i don't mean to sound callous, but we're going to die, you can't stop it. But there IS something they could do in Africa, with the proper resources and financial backing.

There's probably a nursing school in Nigeria, where they're learning the same things as me; bed-making, vital signs, catheters, medication administration... and it's great! But then they will leave, not because they want to, but because they cannot make a living there, there is not enough money despite the intense need for nurses. It's as if Africa is a boat in a storm, where the storm is the AIDS pandemic. How can Africa as a continent respond to the AIDS pandemic if us, the affluent nations, continue to drill holes in the boat to drain them of their Health Care work force?!?!

"Take Lesotho, a tiny country where one in three adults has HIV. The government is poised to move ahead with a national AIDS treatment program that would alleviate about half the congestion in its medical wards, which would free up staff and mitigate one of the dire conditions cited as a constant drain on morale. But the country is seriously hampered because it doesn't have the necessary doctors and nurses."

I could accept it when i thought Canada was doing more than its share. Canada pledged $150 million US over 4 years... The States...who, might i add, make up one quarter of the global GDP, pledged only $500 million over the next two years. That makes me sad. But i can't accept using their doctors and nurses to boost our health care system if it means the continuing decimation of their own health care systems. Yes, Canada needs nurses. But its because of our own poor planning that we don't have enough nurses...we knew the baby-boomers were going to get old and need care, but nothing was done about it. Now we have NO right to import aid from countries we should be giving aid to.

ok, getting too worked up... thanks for reading

Short but sweet

2006-06-01T17:59:00.000-06:00

Found on Relevant Magazine . com, enforced by medical sociology class, here for your thoughts.

"When a culture is run by people who only seem to be looking out for themselves, offering neither grace nor justice to those in their charge, those who do not hold power end up feeling isolated, disconnected and generally disenfranchised with the values the culture is selling. Thus, the disenfranchised majority is left only really trusting one thing: Themselves, and whatever pleasures they can use to self-medicate."

And speaking of Medication...

Here's an amazing article...i watched a lecture by Stephanie Nolen, she helped light this fire under me... take a gander, she spoke for 45 minutes about AIDS in Africa.

http://www.stephanienolen.com/dispatches/lewis.htm

Here's a taste: Three-quarters of the people in the world with HIV/AIDS live in sub-Saharan Africa, and 90 per cent of those do not know they have it. Of the 30 million infected people on the continent, only 30,000 have access to the anti-retroviral drugs (ARVs) that have made it a manageable, chronic condition in the first world.
The typical African is dead three years from the time he or she learns they have the disease. Some 9,600 people die of AIDS-related diseases in Africa every single day. That's the city of Nelson, B.C., dead each day.

5-Year Plan

2006-05-31T11:56:00.000-06:00

Thanks for all the awesome comments guys! they make me feel all warm and fuzzy-like :)
So, my title may remind you of Stalin and Communist Russia...but i do in fact have a tentative 5 year plan! It took history buff Shannon to point out the association to Stalin, but i still like the sound of my five year plan, and i'd like to share it with anyone who will listen.

Don't worry Nurse Dani, the first two years of this five year plan are finishing Nursing at U of C. If all goes well, i'll graduate in 2008. I know alot of keeners who want to graduate early, but i figure i'll savor my post-secondary time and stick around Calgary. THEN, after i graduate, i'm going as FAR AWAY from Calgary as i can. (correction: as far away from Calgary as my dad will let me go). Strangely enough, that's the Philippines! Yes, i'm going back to the mother country...erm...my one of many i guess. I want to visit all my cousins and aunts and uncles and neices and my GOD-DAUGHTER!! That's right, i'm a Godmother...my magic wand should get here in 6-8 weeks. Anyways, she's in Cebu, along with many family members i haven't seen since i was 8. So i'll go there, check it out, vacation, possibly work, though i doubt they'd want a fresh grad straight out of Nursing school. I figure a month in the Philippines should be good, maybe i'll hang out with Ryan if he's overseas doing missions.

Then i'll come home, MOVE OUT (tee hee), and work for two years in Calgary, because i do honestly love Calgary. I love that it's home base, and i love being home when people come home, because suddenly things i do everyday become extra special. For example, when Nurse Dani comes home in a few weeks, hanging out with her in the GORGEOUS summer months in Calgary will be special! (the lack of clinical will be icing on the cake). Anywho, i'll work here as an RN for two years i'd say. If i want to do the peri-operative program, and become an OR nurse, i will! I'll gain some experience here, and figure out my niche, most likely at the Foothills, cuz that feels like home too.

THEN, after two years, i'll pick up and go to Africa! Why wait two years? Cuz that's the minimal amount of experience Doctors Without Borders will accept for their missions. We had a lecture about AIDS in Africa last week, and i mean, i'm used to sermons about reaching out, but this was a lecture, and it spoke to the medical and social aspects of AIDS in Africa. I'll do a huge post/rant on it a little later, when i have time, but WOW. So much can be done, and i feel like i could do so much there! Anyways, i'll start out with a 9 month mission, and work my way from there.

More later, but the things that i'm allowing for flexibility in this plan are:

OR nurse? ER Nurse? ICU? Pediatrics?
winning the lottery?
wherever God calls me to go...this is what i feel is the plan for now, but if He wants it to change, it'll change
Someone who wants to be more than friends? I've shared this plan with Ryan, who pointed out that i can't get married since boys don't travel well. I'm glad i'm starting all this stuff young, i mean, i'll be in Africa by the time i'm 23/24...that's pretty cool. Anyways, if you're a guy who's interested in serving God in sketchy places and hanging out with an over-enthusiastic nurse...leave a comment! LOL, quasi-kidding.

Thing is, i don't know how my family feels about this. The Philippines is ok with dad, since he can have my relatives act as body-guards. But the last time i brought up Africa, i got a class "Over my dead body" response. Hmmm. That's my major barrier right now, and i'm not going to let it stop me. I'm not that flexible.

WHOO! That's a long one! More later, love you all!

PS. Guess what? My trip to the Philippines will serve as prerequisite experience for overseas MSF (Doctors Without Borders) work. And they accept people with only one year of experience...though i'll probably take me two to build up the funds for all this. Looking at their "Essential Requirements", i already have 8 of the 12. Hooray for a valid passport!

Golden Girls!

2006-05-28T19:15:00.000-06:00

So, this weekend was varying degrees of awesome! Babysat a very cute 13 month old, celebrated an AWESOME birthday with Jo! (Happy 20th Girl!) and went up to Golden, B.C. with Shandell, Shannon and Melissa! We stayed in Shandell's GOREGOUS chalets near Kicking Horse, and had a blast watching scrubs, goofing off, dancing, having bubble baths (seperately), and just generally having a good time! Then today we went to Radium hot springs, also super fun. I rekindled my love for swimming, and decided to dive off the diving board -> SUPER FUN!! just a low board, but it was fairly awesome, until the last dive, where i CRANKED MY NECK really badly. For anyone who cares, i think i have about 30 degrees of motion lateral rotation, full rotation to the right. I have almost full neck flexion (pretty stiff), but extention is a BUGGER. (i can't really look left or up.) But other than that, my weekend was awesome! hopefully pictures will be soon to follow!

First Post...Witty-ness pending

2006-05-24T23:10:00.000-06:00

So. I've converted from the MSN space. I want people NOT enslaved to the messenger world to be able to read my valuable opinions. Right now there are precious few i suppose. What do you need to know? I'm a Student Nurse, going into my Third year of Nursing.

Sorry. I blanked out there for a few lines. I'm HALF done Nursing. It feels like i just graduated! Truth be told, i DO love it. I know it's what i'm supposed to be doing. I feel like i'm climbing up the ladder to the REALLY high diving board, and i'm being shouted instructions about how to dive and swim as i'm climbing. Rather exciting really. Sometimes my feet slip, and sometimes i block out some useful information. (i'll blame it on water in my ears). The alarming part right now, is that i'm halfway up the ladder, and that come those RN exams in two years, i'll be graded on my success. 10.0 anyone? (hope there's no French judges...just kidding!)
I'm blushing from my recent success though...totally rocked my Medical Sociology Midterm, 96% BABY! I guess if Nursing falls through, i could have a lucritave career as a medical sociologist...after another 8 years of graduate studies. Hmmm... that'll happen when i scrape myself off the dry pool bed, climb out of the drained pool, and start again at the bottom of the ladder. See, right now i'm thinking God has filled the pool up for me. I know He's going to give me plenty to swim through, and I know it's not going to be easy alot of the time. But i have faith that He'll throw me the occassional life-raft/PFD/Water wings. Man those were cool.

So that's kind of a preview to a typical blog post by me. Throw in a couple of quasi-lame analogies, some random references, and probably some song lyrics in the future. Anyone who's willing to subject themselves to the innerworkings of my mind...props to you!
I started this blog in hopes of more comments than my MSN (lame) space! I welcome many many comments!
Luv,
Hayley
PS: Andrea, did you like the swimming references?! I know if i need a lifeguard to jump in and save me, i can look to you too!